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Golf Jokes - My Golf Buggy

Thursday, 19th June 2014

My 5 favourite golf jokes

So almost everyone who likes golf loves a good golf joke so today I found myself trawling through hundreds of jokes to see if any of them made an impression, so here we have it my 5 favourite golf jokes in no particular order, along with a few punny titles I added myself.

1. The Treecherous Lie

A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. Although worried this will slow him up, the younger man says, "Of course."

To his surprise, the old man plays quickly. He doesn't hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time.

When they reach the ninth fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green.

After several minutes pondering how to hit the shot, the old man says, "You know, when I was your age, I'd hit the ball right over that tree."

With the challenge before him, the young man swings hard, hits the ball, watches it fly into the branches, rattle around, and land with a thud a foot from where it had started.

"Of course," says the old man, "when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall."

2. Honestee

As a couple approaches the altar, the groom tells his wife-to-be, "Honey, I've got something to confess: I'm a golf nut, and every chance I get, I'll be playing golf!"

"Since we're being honest," replies the bride, "I have to tell you that I'm a hooker."

The groom replies, "That's okay, honey. You just need to learn to keep your head down and your left arm straight!"

3. Gripping Story

There's a golf course where the car park is just to the right of the first fairway. Separating the fairway and the access road to the pro shop. One day, a ball comes flying off the first tee, hits the rear window of one car and shatteres it, ricochets into the windshield of another car and cracks that, then bounces and hits a golfer in the head as he is unloading his clubs. He has to be taken to the hospital.

After surveying the damage, the golf pro asks each golfer as he walks off the ninth green if anyone hit a slice of the first tee. After numerous negative replies, the pro finally finds his culprit. The golfer admits that, yes, indeed, he hit his first tee shot to the right, but it went out-of-bounds, he and the rest of his group didn't bother looking for it.

The pro explains about the two car windows and the golfer in the hospital. By the time he finishes re-creating the scene, the entire foursome is visibly upset, and the golfer who hit the errant shot moans,""Oh, that's terrible. Is there anything I can do to help?"

The pro says, "You should probably trying rolling your hands a little to the right to strengthen your grip."

4. A bad Flight

Whats the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

A bad golfer goes: WHACK..."OH CRAP"!

A bad Skydiver goes: "OH CRAP"!...WHACK

5. One over Par

Every time, Peter, the man next door headed toward Mr. Parr's house, Mr.Parr knew he was coming to borrow something, he was always doing so and it was driving him mad.

"Peter won't get away with it this time, muttered Mr. Parr to Mrs. Parr, his wife, "Watch this."

"Er, I wonder if you'd be using your hedge trimmer this morning?' asked Paul the neighbour.

"Crikey, I'm terribly sorry", said Mr. Parr with a smug look on his face, "but the fact of the matter is, I'll be using it all day."

"In that case", smiled Peter, "you won't be using your golf clubs, can I borrow those?".

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